adventures of a psychopathic magnet

Dave Sucking Wood

Dave apparently smoked crack for lunch today. Earlier he came into my room and was trying to make up jokes. None of them were what you could consider funny. They just didn't make the cut. To give you a view of just how these jokes went here goes Davids favorite:
So a kid goes to the circus and a clown asks for a volunteer. Of coarse the kid volunteers and of coarse he gets picked (lucky bastard) so he goes down to the clown and the clown asks "are you a horses face?'
"no"
"are you a horses belly"
"No"
"are you a horses foot"
"NO"
"then you must be a horses ass" well everyone in the audience laughs but the kid gets real angry. so the circus leaves town and the kid is still angry. Well the old big top paroozie comes back when the kid is about 30. So the now man goes and develops a plan of how to get the clown back. The same clown asks for a volunteer and the man volunteers. So he goes down and the clown asks him "Are you a horses face?"
"no""are you a horses belly"
"no"
Are you a horses foot"
"no"
"Then you must be a horses ass"
And the mans screams back "NO YOU ARE" and shoots the clown in the face

In fact the funniest was the beginning of one that I interrupted.
Dave: So Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are rapping the White Rabbit-
Me: EW! WHY IS YOUR ASS ON MY BED!!!!
At this point I noticed that his sagging pants had sagged a bit low, and his boxer had ridden a little high. And ol' mister happy brown-hole made a late afternoon visit to bedville(daves sentence).
At this point it was time to get dave out of the room. Not an easy task. In fact the only way he would leave was if I dragged him back to his room. Un fort un atly ( Dave insists that it is 4 words not 1) his "175 pounds of sheer muscle" was quite dificult to scolorose across the dance floor, i mean hallway, oh shit, dont read that(daves sentence). I finally got him to his room I left him sprawled to his own self wallowing in the pities of his self anguish, aka, the middle of his floor where he lay wishing aloud he had carpeting and yelling kind requests then spitting accusation that I was too lazy "to pick up your own brother and sit me up against the wall!" 20min later, disaster struck. "A flood hit bladder town" the boy had to pee, but couldn't be bothered to stand up and walk the 10 feet to the bathroom. No, I had to drag him another 10 feet, then help him to his feet. Twice...he fell....hard...it was wicked funny. As the italinas say "bonui jupa colotora besica tomeilla" or " the man full of lemonade will always eat pie" he canned, hard(daves sentence). Finally he gets up goes to the bathroom, a few minutes later he triumphantly marched out of the bathroom door, looked around and layed down in the middle of the hallway, resuming his requests to be dragged to various rooms in the house before dumping a basket full of laundry on his stomach.
Once again, diaster struck. This time in the form of hiccups. Apparently Daves sure fire cure for hiccups is "to orally attach oneself to a smoothed horthornated peice of wood, which is an ancheant remedy used by the charokee to deruod the 'hiyocapie' away from thier smal nested village of teepees and buffalo where the grew corn or as they called it "maze" only the catch is hiyocapie means white devil, which is irony, cuz suprise suprise im black"-david

Dave in response to his photo "now I know how Paris Hilton feels" and then went on to make up a snazzy little song about how there are so many porn sites, so little time.
As you can see this is an ongoing thing, in fact he hasn't stopped talking. He also was a guest author on this entry. Hope you enjoyed it.

posted by lulu @ 6:36 PM